Thursday, January 10, 2013

The Myth of Me-Time

Thanks to Diana for sending in A READER QUESTION!  It still counts if I know her in real life right?


What things usually look like from where I'm sitting.
So, the question is:  How do I take care of myself in general, and specifically during the homeschool year?

The answer is:  The less I worry about taking care of myself, the happier I am.  It's true for me anyway.


Let me explain.


Some people are flowers and some people are gardeners.  I have come to understand (mostly through reading good books) that I am a flower.  I tend to overestimate my own needs and make excuses for myself.


Given the opportunity, I would abdicate almost all of my responsibilities as a mother to work on projects or watch tv.  But when I indulge my flower side I end up feeling hollow rather than fulfilled.


I guess that's why God thinks I need all these kids.  To make sure I'm too busy to coddle myself too much.


I'm sure this doesn't apply to plenty of moms, whose tendency is to think of themselves too little rather than too much.  But that is not my struggle.


So, with the conscious goal of giving of myself more to my family than would necessarily come naturally to me, here's what I'm still letting myself get away with . . .


  1. Exercise: I go for a short run almost every morning and I don't bring a baby jogger with me, because I hate them.  (My purgatory has me shackled to a double baby jogger.)  The husband usually gets the baby up and ready for Mass to allow me to get a run (and rosary) in before the rest of the kids are up.
  2. Prayer: Daily Mass (even with its occasional frustrations) and prayer before the rest of the kids are up make a big difference in my reservoir of pleasantness for the day.
  3. Naps: I only nap when I'm pregnant or nursing.  So, always.  I put the two littlest ones down in the early afternoon and then I take a nap too.  If I'm not tired I use that 30-40 minutes to read, but I'm almost always tired.  The older kids can entertain themselves now, but when they couldn't, but had outgrown naps, I would let them watch a show during that time. 
  4. Projects: Sometimes I find it difficult to muster a lot of pride in the fact that I kept all of my children alive another whole day.  When that happens, I know it's time for a project.  No one ever comes over and says, "Wow, it looks like you managed to feed all your children again today!"  But they will say, "Hey, cute throw pillows.  Did you make them?"  And it feels nice to hear that.  
I should add that if you are at the all babies/toddlers stage then your life is WAY harder than mine.  Big kids make the day much easier, and allow you the freedom to run a quick errand or have a shower without advance planning.  Unfortunately the usual way to get big kids is just to wait and wait and wait.  But they do come eventually. 

That's how I handle it.  Certainly we need to attend to our own needs as we attend to the needs of our families.  But that idea perpetuated by women's magazines that I needed to focus more on myself was a big loser for me.  The less I do of that, the better for all of us.






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5 comments:

  1. I don't know how full time at home moms do it when the kids are little and have to be watched all the time. You never even get to go to the bathroom alone. I went back to flying and got a hotel room alone for 24 hrs 5 to 6 times a month...it was wonderful. I had a great string of "Marias" living in to help but I did double time carpooling when I was at home because dad didn't have the carpool gene. Have a high school or college girl or grandma come over a couple of times a week to give you time to do your errands or bath alone. Kids will enjoy it.
    Nanacamille

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  2. I loved reading this post. And I'm LOVING your blog.

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  3. This is awesome. THIS BLOG is a great project!!! and where do you get all your energy?

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  4. I really like your perspective, Kendra. I also tend to care too much about my own needs. Thank you for your insight. Daily mass before the kids get up.... Now that is something to strive for. Thanks for the inspiration. Glad to hear that I have a harder job than you with ONLY toddlers/babies at home and NO bigger kiddos. :) I will believe when I see it! ha.

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  5. Whenever I feel exhausted and start thinking that I don't like children, because I have no "me-time" anymore, then I come and re-read this post and feel so much better. Thank you, Kendra!

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