Thursday, January 23, 2014

In Which I Am PROBABLY Not a Robot

In the comments of this blog and on the blogs of others, there has been speculation that I am a robot.  Today, I am here to say that . . . I am probably not a robot. 

Now, I have watched Battlestar Galactica so I know that no one can really be sure she's not a robot. Not even people who you have been watching for multiple seasons and it wouldn't even make SENSE if they turned out to be robots, can turn out to be robots.





So I'm not going to make any guarantees.


But here is some stuff I am bad at doing, that will hopefully convince you that I am human . . . 




Gardening


I am bad at gardening. BAD. I am bad at plants of all kinds. (And also at goldfish.)

I seem to be pretty good at keeping children fed and watered and making sure they get some sunlight. But plants pretty much shrivel up and die at the sight of me.

I desperately want to be a person who can grow her own food (for health, and economy, and zombie apocalypses). Every year I have grand plans of growing things. But I also just have no interest whatsoever in looking after those things once they are planted.

Fortunately for me, the husband has taken it upon himself to try to grow some food. He's doing pretty well so far with tomatoes and various lettuces. And we have fruit trees that seem to just grow fruit no matter what I do or don't do to them. So I do have something to can.




The Dishes


I like to cook, but I am not very good at doing the dishes. My unofficial motto is: It's Probably Going to Be Fine. Mostly it serves me well. But when "it" is cheese or oatmeal and you put "it" in my dishwasher . . . it's not going to be fine. It never is. But I kinda keep doing it anyway.

My kids are now old enough to do the dishes. Which is good for all of us. The husband is training them up to do it right. The way HE would do it. 


Tying Shoelaces



The husband is also in charge of teaching the kids to tie their shoelaces, because I do that wrong as well. My bows always turn out vertical.

In looking for the above image, I discovered that there is an entire blog devoted to shoelaces and on that blog is a very detailed explanation of what I am doing wrong and how to fix it. It even has a name: a Granny Knot. Now I'm feeling kind of attached to it.

Probably, I'm just going to keep doing it wrong.


Writing Things Down


I'm not good at keeping up with things like To Do lists and meal planning and calendars. Instead, I tend to have a running list in my head of things I need to do, on repeat, like this:



Loaf of Bread, a container of milk, and a stick of butter


So, all day long, I'll be thinking: write post for Sunday, reply to two emails and one Facebook message, call pediatrician, thaw chicken, start beans, need to use up spinach, dentist this morning, basketball tonight.

It mostly works, except when it doesn't. Because sometimes in the middle of making a spinach salad I would sit down to answer the emails and realize that basketball practice starts in five minutes and we had missed the dentist and I wasn't going to get to that phone call. Again. 

It was happening too often. So I've been really making an effort to actually use my calendar. The reminders on my iPad are great. And I have every intention of keeping up with some meal planning with my new planner.

We'll see.





Navigating

Remember that Office episode where Michael Scott drives his car into a lake because the GPS tells him to?

The Office - Michael Drives Car into lake

Yeah. That's totally me. 

I am unreasonably dependant on the GPS. I'm just missing that part of the brain that would tell a person which way North is or how to get to the 101.


It's odd considering I used to be a pilot, and I navigated just fine in the air back before there was GPS and we had to fly uphill both ways to get to school . . .






Phone Calls




I am bad at phone calls. I'm bad at making them. I'm bad at receiving them.


I often respond immediately and with great detail to emails I receive, but will let the message light flash for weeks before I push play on the answering machine.


I turn the ringer off on my phone before Mass and don't remember to turn it back on until about Wednesday.


If it weren't for my navigation issues (see above) I don't know if I'd even have a cell phone. But as it is, I need to be able to call my husband during business meetings to tell him that the GPS is trying to make me go on the 5 again. Or into a lake.




NFP

Not gonna lie. Not good at it. But it's okay. It's definitely the thing I'm most grateful for being a failure at.


I mean, look at these guys!



Q: Are these all YOUR kids?
A: All these kids are mine, but these are not all my kids.

Okay, I just read over these. Annnnd . . . I'm thinking you guys are probably right after all. Oh well. Execute Protocol Q47g (beep).




For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

And now for some other stuff:



If you'd like a chance to win a copy of my soon-to-be-released book, as well as over $300 in other prizes (including Amazon gift cards!) head on over to Equipping Catholic Families. I'm helping Monica host the big 2nd birthday giveaway for Catholic Bloggers Network! There are new chances to win every day!

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Be sure to check back in on the Toothpaste Jesus Miracle Link-Up! The link-up is open through February 17th, so write up your miracles and share them with the world. There are new stories to read over there everyday!


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AND this blog was nominated for multiple Sheenazing Awards over at A Knotted Life. I'm honored. Thank you! Voting is now open . . . 


yes, it is.



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19 comments:

  1. We have the same Bumbo seat, which my daughter keeps putting stuffed animals into. In fact, nearly all of Ben's thrones (bouncer seat, car seat, Bumbo seat) are usually usurped by stuffed animals or dolls.
    Totally with you on #1. My mom and grandma are amazing gardeners, yet I manage to kill nearly all plants that come within a 12 inch radius of me. I have a cactus that is still alive. I think. And I'm also right there with you on #6, and suspect it is due to my introversion and fear of confrontation ("Oh, is this a bad time? I'm sorry! I'm so so so so sorry! I will never call again!" *click*).
    Robots are the wave of the future. Once this whole zombie craze dies down, I predict we'll be seeing more shows/movies about robots and such. You heard it here first.

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  2. *sigh* reading your blog...just...makes me feel...so happy. joyful. inspired. challenged. Thank you.

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  3. You were a pilot? Then you're definitely a robot ;)

    Twinsies on #6 and #7

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  4. LOL, yep, definitely a robot ;) It's funny, your #4 is the exact opposite of me. I have a horrible memory now that I have so much to keep track of so I have to write everything down. If it's not written down it just floats away into the abyss of my brain. Everyone always says "you're so organized!" and the truth is I am because I'm hopelessly forgetful and distracted and lazy.

    Oh, and I am also geographically challenged. I don't have a GPS so I just regularly call my husband and cry about how I am lost and I have no idea where I am. Except not lately because I seem to have bred a robot child who IS a GPS! It's great, my 5 year old tells me where stuff is all the time and knows how to get me un-lost. I'd lend him to you but then I'd end up lost at the Canadian border.

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    1. I have one too! My oldest son is great at knowing where things are. It used to be my little sister when we were kids.

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  5. I am totally bad at #2, #3, #4 and #5.

    Especially navigating, although I find that NOT using a GPS makes me better at it, but I am still terrible.

    Totally bad. And, I'm not all that great at #1. When I was on college, I won some sort of plant for getting the highest grade on the Botany Final Exam. I won a plant. I still have no idea what plant it was and I basically let it wither up and die in my dorm room until I took it home for Christmas and my mom took pity on it and nursed it back to health. I have gotten better at growing things since then, and I had had reasonable success at growing vegetables.

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    1. Once I have driven to a place about fifty times I will screw my courage to the sticking place and try to get there with the gps turned off. If it works I am VERY proud of myself.

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    2. This post is old, I know. I don't read it often because I have no willpower to breakaway once I start. Today I was looking up something on Google (I don't even remember what) and the first result was from your blog! It was destiny then right? But I have been hopelessly clicking ever since... I started at 11am - it's 1:30pm and I am supposed to be working! ugh...So now you know why I don't know more stuff you do - because I'd never leave this chair and probably get fired too.

      This post made me love you more than I already do, though I often think you're perfect and have everything under control.
      -I laughed out loud at the GPS shortcoming because I often wondered why you'd used the GPS to get to or from my house which used to be only a mile away (with our church in-between!)
      -Nobody should be good at NFP because babies are great, the more the merrier and yours have and will make the world a better place!

      I know that in your posts you try to me humble and informative and you are but you are so thoughtful and mindful of so many things that I just don't even think of and sometimes I just feel less than...I'm glad you share this with the world. It's thoughtful and inspiring.
      Tami

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  6. Haha! I prefer Molly's theory that "Kendra" is actually a set of quintuplets.

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  7. Oh my gosh--#1, #3, and #5--I hear ya! And the shoelace tying thing--that's so funny. Because for some reason, I just couldn't figure out how to teach that skill. If it had been up to me, my boys would have worn Velcro sneakers until they went off to college, and I would have been perfectly happy--but luckily for them, my husband is an excellent shoelace-tying teacher.

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  8. I am soo bad at ALL of these as well. And more besides unfortunately. :( I guess I can't really know how bad I am at NFP though, since we've only ever given it about 30% effort.

    Husband and I have different shoe tieing techniques and he insists that his is the correct way. And to his credit, his laces don't untie so he's probably right. Upside is the ball's in his court as far as the kids are concerned. The oldest is 5 and has made 0 progress thus far. We have time right?

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  9. I'm pretty sure anyone who reads your blog benefits from your "robot" tendencies!! You're obviously confident with a healthy dose of thoughtfulness, self-esteem and humility :) oh, and I am soo not good at dishes and SO very glad I have a husband who hates doing dishes less than me.

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  10. You and I should never drive in a car to our garden while we make phone calls. Ever.

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  11. Kendra. I am supposed to be walking out the door. You are not supposed to have a hilarious post like this at this moment. Really, it is very take-over-the-world of you, this type of distraction.

    Let's see. You and I are twins on 1, 2, 4, 6, and 7. This is getting awkward. People are going to think all us Californians are the same and such.

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  12. So many laugh out loud moments today. Glad you are not a robot, even if that makes navigating trickier!

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  13. Replies
    1. Yeah. I was pretty sure you would. It wasn't very convincing.

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